Being resilient means being able to recover from difficult conditions.

When we’re on the outside looking in, it can feel like an impossible task to stay resilient in the face of our obstacles. How can we recognize a resilient person? And moreover, how can we begin to recognize that resilience in ourselves? 

What Does A Resilient Person Look Like? 

Resilient people are all around us. Everyday, there are resilient people pushing through their depression, soothing their anxiety, and coping with the indignities of life right under our noses. How can we recognize what makes someone resilient, so that we might learn from them? 

• Resilient people practice self-care. If you want to be resilient, that means that you have to be taken care of. And if you want the job done right, sometimes that means you have to do it yourself. 

• Resilient people rely on their routines. It would be impossible to maintain resilience in the face of life without leaning on anything. Having a solid set of routines and rituals gives you something to rely on when you feel that urge to lean. 

• Resilient people are unattached. Unhealthy attachments eat away at our mental health like moths upon old clothes. Oftentimes, when we see a resilient person, we’re seeing someone who has worked through their attachment to something in the material world. 

What Makes Someone A Resilient Person? 

There are a number of internal factors that can contribute to someone’s resilience. Although we might only see the resiliency of others through their body language and behaviors, our attitudes and thoughts can affect our resiliency more than anything else. Here are a few patterns of thought common to resilient individuals: 

• Confidence. Confident people (that is to say, people who can always maintain faith and belief in themselves) are also resilient people. Being confident in yourself means that when your resiliency is being tested, you can still feel secure in your sense of self. By building your sense of confidence and self-esteem, you’re also building your resiliency. But how do you build up your sense of confidence?

• Competence. You can build up your confidence by developing your skills! Being competent means being firmly able to accomplish the thing you’re doing. You can build your competence by working on your career, learning something new, or picking up a hobby. 

• Connection. It’s easy to look at a resilient person and assume that they’re an island of self-reliance risen from the sea with no connection to the world around them. Even self-reliant, resilient people need to connect with others if they want to stay that way. Our brains crave relationships and connection the same way they crave food or water. In order to stay resilient, our basic needs need to be met first. To stay resilient, we must meet our social needs. 

How Can I Be More Resilient? 

Although it might appear that these traits are gifts that we’re either born with or without, resiliency is something that can be learned and built up over time. In fact, it’s something that we grow over the course of our lives. If you’re looking to build your resilience, you can call upon all the resources we’ve linked throughout this article, but the best way to uncover your inner resilience is to work with a professional! 

Here is what our clinician, Michael, has to say about resilience:

Building resilience is a great way to reframe your mind during times of adversity, feeling triggered, or in moments of stress.  In order to measure resilience, I like to apply the strengths-based approach in order to identify ways the client may already be resilient since I find that sometimes things that help them in one situation in life, can easily be applied to another area of life.  An example of this could be a situation where we feel the need to lash out at someone due to a stressful moment or situation.  In this instance I would challenge the client to think about another time, perhaps at work, where they are not able to lash out and need to apply some sort of skill to manage emotions instead.  By identifying what has helped them in other moments, we can focus energy and strengthen that skill to apply in other situations that cause similar forms of stress.

A great way to work on resilience is to focus on self-soothing techniques which play into some of my own passions such as breath work and mindfulness.  Self-soothing are skills and techniques we can use in moments of stress to put control back in our hands.  I like to teach clients about the difference between reacting to a situation versus responding to a situation, which can often be done in the form of a long deep breath.  By practicing this, a moment that may seem out of our control, can be put back in our control since we can ALWAYS control how we breathe!  Other forms of self-soothing can be in the form of tapping, finding a rhythmic pattern to focus on, or some other skill that can be strengthened to help us feel present and in control of the situation rather than be lost in it.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.