Calming Your Nervous System: Tips From a Therapist on How to Stay Grounded

The tools we learn in therapy are perhaps at their most useful when it comes to de-escalating the fear and anxiety that our nervous system can hang onto. Counseling can teach us how to notice when our body is in fight or flight, but what can we actually do to calm our body down when we’re in those moments? 

Lauren Mishkin is a St. Petersburg therapist with a speciality in trauma treatment, grief counseling, and recovery support. For those seeking relief from the pain that lives in their body, Lauren is the type of guide who can really make a difference.

“The world only exists in your eyes. You can make it as big or as small as you want.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Why Do We Need To Calm Our Nervous System?

“Uncertainty is part of the human experience. We are wired for this stuff. The only problem is that we are wired for uncertainty while immersed in nature, surrounded by our tribe, and with hands in the dirt growing our own food. Not living in separate boxes, driving ourselves to work, to work alone on a device, to then ‘relax’ on our even smaller devices. Our autonomic nervous system doesn’t respond to our current style of existence. It has evolved to respond to the more nomadic community-based lifestyle of the pre-industrial revolution. Add in painful past learning, stored in our bodies, causing us to perceive threat when we aren’t actually in grave danger, and you have a recipe for dis-ease.” – Lauren Mishkin, MS, LMHC.

• We Aren’t Self-Soothing. If we lack the tools to soothe ourselves when we’re hurt, our body can’t get back to baseline. That’s a recipe for prolonged stress.  
• We Prioritize Short-Term Gratification. Who wants to put in a bunch of work when they’re in survival mode? If your nervous system is activated, it’s natural to seek out distractions like social media to destress, but when that’s the only option we reach for, it can lead to lower dopamine activity in our brains. That means less relaxation when we’re trying to relax, and more overwhelm when we’re stressed out.
• We’re Going Through A Big Transition. If the circumstances around you are deeply stressful, then your body and mind are going to be affected by them. That makes it all the more important to know when and how to calm down.

Is Integrative Counsel Covered By My Insurance?

Counseling is really about getting the tools you need to not only survive, but thrive in the life you’re living. If that counseling is breaking the bank, then it’s gonna be pretty hard to thrive. That’s why therapy is covered by most insurances, and it’s also why we’re transparent about which insurances we accept at our practice. 

• Grief Counseling For People With Optum Insurance. Finding counseling that fits in your lifestyle can be quite the journey, but Integrative Counsel is here to help you at every step of the way. If you’re covered by Optum Oscar, Optum Oxford, or United Optum, we can match you with a right-fit counselor who’s covered by your plan.
• Recovery Therapists Who Accept Aetna Insurance. If you have health insurance from Aetna, you’re in the right place! Our team is covered by your insurance, and here to offer you quality art therapy that’s covered by your insurance.

Why Does Our Nervous System Go Into Survival Mode?

“Our nervous system responds as if we are in nature battling a bear. Our bodies are flooded with excess energy through stress hormones that, for short bursts, allow us to react to grave threats. But if we perceive many things as a threat, because our anterior cingulate cortex has atrophied from trauma or chronic stress, we live in a perpetual state of dysregulation. These stress hormones wreak havoc on our immune systems, digestion, and vital organs. Our frontal cortex goes largely offline, causing us to say or do things we later regret. Flooded with energy, in an activated threat response system, with limited neocortical functioning; we act aggressively or avoidantly, breaching our integrity, in ways that later bring us shame. This generates more dysregulation, which in turn creates more fear and uncertainty. Thus, the cycle feeds upon itself- rinse and repeat. What may feel like a moral failure is just your nervous system doing what it believes is necessary to survive.” – Lauren Mishkin, MS, LMHC.

What Tools Does A Therapist Use To Calm Your Nervous System?

“When the future is unclear, our minds may spiral into fear, overwhelm, or frantic problem-solving. This plunges our nervous systems into survival states of fight, flight, freeze and/or fawn. Nervous system regulation doesn’t mean we are zenned out all the time. It’s developing a relationship with our bodies (interoception), noticing the muscles in our bodies are tense, and choosing tools that resonate with us to move from survival mode into present moment awareness, acceptance, and maybe even resilience. This allows us to respond to stress without becoming stuck in it.” – Lauren Mishkin, MS, LMHC.

So which tools does Lauren recommend when it comes to responding to the stress in your body? 

• Sympathetic Nervous System Activation. If anxious or angry: Do a scan from the top of your head down to your toes, noticing areas of tension and intentionally softening/relaxing those muscles. 

• Dorsal Vagal Shut Down. If depressed, down, low energy, or numb: Do a scan starting at your toes, working upwards to the top of your head scanning for tension and relaxing. Then find a song you love and dance, sing, or jump around.

• Box Breathing. Empty out all your breath and then inhale for a count of 4. Hold your breath in for 4, exhale for 4, and hold your breath out for 4. Repeat until you feel centered and grounded in the present moment with a relaxed muscle body. 

• The Wet Noodle. Turn your body into a wet spaghetti noodle. Wiggle around a little and mindfully release tension in the body. You can do this at any point during the day. Pay extra attention to the area between your hip bones and sit bones when relaxing into a wet noodle for maximum results. 

• 4-6-8 Breathing. Take some deep diaphragmatic breaths. Inhale for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 6-8. This signals to your nervous system to downregulate.

• Peripheral Vision Opening. When sympathetically dominant, we go into tunnel vision. By looking straight ahead but just expanding the sides of your vision, you can brute-force your nervous system into a more parasympathetic state. 

Keeping St Pete Weird and Well

Lauren gave a fantastic talk on calming your nervous system and staying grounded at our Keep St Pete Weird and Well event this past Sunday. She reminds us all of the importance of nervous system regulation in today’s overstimulated world.

We created this event in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. Our vibrant and weird wellness community came together for a day dedicated to healing, education, and connection. People enjoyed free ear seeds, donation-based massages, astrology readings, chiropractic adjustments, Qi Gong , and more! We are grateful to everyone who participated, whether by sharing their gifts, volunteering their time, or simply showing up with an open heart and mind.

Finding A Nervous System Therapist In St. Petersburg, FL. 

Lauren specializes in helping people who are struggling to navigate the world with a felt sense of safety reclaim their power through offering an understanding of the complexities surrounding unresolved traumas, grief, neurodivergent spiciness, or anxiety. She uses somatic nervous system regulation practices, mindfulness, and IFS informed parts work in her therapy sessions.. Click here to schedule a consultation to get started.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.