Energetic boundaries are the four walls of your castle. In life, there are some things that are better off avoided, and sometimes we have to draw a line in the sand for your own protection.  By setting an energetic boundary, you are protecting yourself from the things that depress, trigger or drain you. Learning when to set these boundaries can be just as tricky as uncovering how. So, how do you go about setting energetic boundaries in a way that’s healthy, thoughtful, and reliable?

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brené Brown

What Are Energetic Boundaries? 

Energetic boundaries are repetitive thought patterns that affirm to ourselves what we are and aren’t comfortable with. Setting an energetic boundary means insulating yourself from a person, situation, or location that would otherwise cause you discomfort and pain without growth. When you can’t help something, and it’s bringing you to misery, that’s when it’s time to set an energetic boundary.

How Can Eastern Wisdom Help Me Set Boundaries? 

At Integrative Counsel, we draw on a lot of principles from eastern wisdom. We believe that the principles of eastern philosophy have much to teach us, and that informs our approach to therapy. One of these principles is the energy that surrounds and persists within all people and things. Eastern wisdom understands the profound effect that a vibe, mood, or tone can have on an individual’s thoughts and behavior. By acknowledging this, we can better understand the importance of setting energetic boundaries, and also the specifics of how.

Take things slowly. Zen wisdom teaches us to be careful and considerate with our actions. Setting the wrong boundary means cutting yourself off from a potentially valuable experience, but not setting any boundaries at all leaves you exposed to energetic warfare.

Let go of your attachments. Buddhism teaches us that attachment is the root of all suffering. Setting an energetic boundary means releasing any attachment to the outcome of a situation. Even if there’s an outcome that we’d prefer, in setting the boundary we are accepting that whatever happens is out of our hands and beyond our control.

Accept things as they are. Taoism teaches us that we need not stand in defiance of the nature of the world. Setting a boundary is a tacit acceptance of the way the world is. The world will not change itself for your benefit, but in setting boundaries, you can bring yourself the accommodations that the universe might neglect.

How Do I Set Good Boundaries? 

A good energetic boundary protects you from the things that might only hurt you. Setting the right boundaries can be the difference between a healthy relationship, and a dysfunctional one. So if we are to understand that there’s a right way to do it, what are the healthy places to set boundaries?

Topics that trigger you. If there’s a particular subject that makes you deeply upset or puts you in a panic, setting a boundary becomes vital for your mental health. It is not your immediate responsibility to be fully healed from the pain in your past. Setting boundaries around the things that trigger you can be a huge quality of life improvement for those learning to cope with trauma.

People who have hurt you. When somebody (especially those we love) is causing us intentional pain, it can distract and confuse even the wisest and the strongest of us. Setting a strong boundary can protect us from the pain of abuse, and allow those who truly care for our wellbeing to show it by respecting our boundaries.

Things that are beyond your control. There is a deep well of misunderstood pain within that which is beyond our control. When something is truly out of your hands, oftentimes your best option is to set a strong boundary and accept that there isn’t anything within your power to do. 

Where Can I Learn To Set Energetic Boundaries? 

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.