The most effective way to heal yourself is to learn how to love and accept yourself unconditionally. Loving and taking care of yourself should be your number one priority.  When we accept all aspects of ourselves, even the parts we would rather not look at, we allow ourselves to heal from the pain of not loving ourselves.

For so long, we have had conditional love –we will love ourselves when we lose weight, or start making more money. This is incredibly damaging, because we tell ourselves that love is not our birthright and that we have to earn it in some way. That is simply not true. Here are 4 ways to love yourself, even when it feels impossible:

Perform your acts of daily living.

But what’s an act of daily living? I’m glad you asked, actually! An act of daily living is a behavior you perform regularly to keep yourself happy, healthy, and in routine. This can be something small like eating breakfast and brushing your teeth every morning, or something as big as filing your taxes every April. The important thing is that your acts of daily living are instances where you do things today to make tomorrow easier. It might seem simple, but doing all of these little things to take care of yourself sends the message to your brain that everything is normal, and that you are taken care of. If you are struggling to find love for yourself, these should be your first priority. 

Express your needs.

So much of the misery we put ourselves through on a day-to-day basis takes root when we neglect our own needs. It can feel like we’re doing the right thing when we put others before ourselves, but there is such a thing as taking it too far. If you find yourself resenting the people you’re trying to put first, that’s a pretty good sign you weren’t expressing your needs clearly enough. Repeat to yourself: “I help others when I help myself.”

Treat yourself.

Imagine, if you will, the perfect gesture of affection. Picture someone walking into your house with the perfect gift for you. Something that really makes you feel loved and aligns with your passions without being extravagant or unbelievable. Be that thoughtful friend to yourself. Take the initiative to give yourself something that makes you happy. You deserve to be kind to yourself. Make it into a ritual so that your self care becomes an anchoring force in your life.

Accept and focus on what you can control.

Acceptance is about letting uncomfortable experiences exist without trying to control or change them. When you fixate on all the things you can’t control, you’re sabotaging yourself because you waste your energy on things that you are not meant to change. You show yourself love when you spend your energy wisely and when you don’t resist the present moment.

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Starting with a creative written voice and a BA in English from ASU, Alli Cravener has become so much more than Integrative Counsel’s voice! Not only is she a writer who is passionate about connecting concepts and content, Alli is also currently a grad student working towards her Master’s in Counseling. She is also the editor-in-chief, office manager, AND intake specialist at Integrative Counsel. When you call us, you’ll talk to Alli! Alli’s interests include painting, history, learning about other people, and wearing the color pink. She likens herself to a “mouse in a palm tree”, and she loves it that way.