We’re all the heroes of our own stories, but the heroes we admire in literature and on the screen find themselves undergoing spiritual and emotional transformations more often than they find themselves using the bathroom. If all of us are heroes, each going on a continuous, limitless, and recursive journey throughout the stages of our lives, then where are you in your journey? How does it relate to your current struggles? What lessons are here for you to learn?
“And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that were not.” -William Shakespeare
You’ve been putting in the work. You’ve done all the research. You’ve searched within yourself for answers, and even found some understanding for yourself. But still, you feel jealous. It might seem like no matter how hard you work, your life just can’t measure up against anybody else’s. When you compare your life to others (as you so very often do), it’s a short trip to feeling inferior, incapable, and eventually overwhelmed by negativity.
There are only two species of animal who can comfortably exist on six different continents on this planet. Humans might be the first that come to mind, but they were not the first to ever do it. That honor belongs to the ants. Through coordination, and complete ego death the likes of which humankind can rarely muster, ants can thrive almost anywhere on the planet. Humans too can thrive almost anywhere, but not on their own, and not if they can only look out for themselves.
If jealousy is so destructive and maladaptive, then why does it sometimes persist even when brought into the light?
What purpose could the fog of jealousy serve our brains? We’re jealous because we’re scared. Somewhere within us, there’s a desolate, but urgent sense of intense lack that is presenting itself through your jealousy. The challenge before you is to recognize where you feel lacking.
If you let jealousy take the wheel, it will drive you away from everything you want and admire.
Jealousy will blockade your sense of generosity, and even alienate you from the people you’re closest to. If you want to achieve contentment, you will have to confront your jealousy. And to confront your jealousy, you will have to discern which feelings are borne of your ego (and the stories you tell yourself), and which feelings are derived from your unmet needs.
“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.”-Gary Allan
Ingrown desire can inflict pain upon its victims, and their loved ones, but desire itself is not an affliction. After all, chasing our desires is what brings us purpose. If you’re seeking to get in touch with your sense of want or need, then you might be at the point in your journey when you need to listen in for The Whisper.
When you’re being tested, it’s very tempting to be jealous of people who don’t appear to be tested. It’s natural to wish that things were easier, especially when you’re navigating a difficult period in your journey, but comparing your struggle to others is a fruitless activity that will bring you no joy. If you’re struggling with a negative attitude towards your obstacles, and the obstacles are numerous, you may very well be undergoing a Trial.
If you want to successfully navigate the emotional tides of your jealousy and heal your relationship with your own needs, then you might be interested in taking a look at our jealousy course. It was put together by our Creative Director, Cassidy Brooks-Bowling, and it’s full of valuable stories, information, and advice on understanding the green eyed monster.
But the best thing you can do if you’re directionless along your path is to book a counseling session with one of the many talented specialists in our practice!
Sunny Ebsary is a writer and singer-songwriter from Tampa, FL. When he’s not sing-songwriting or just regular writing, he’s probably drinking water with a lot of ice, having a staring contest with his cat, or giving people great ideas. You can listen to Sunny’s music here.