21 Ways to Pour More Into Yourself After a Breakup

A breakup can leave you feeling drained;  in the blink of an eye, you become emotionally, mentally, and even physically exhausted. In the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to focus on what you’ve lost, but this is also a powerful opportunity to turn inward and rebuild. Healing isn’t just about moving on; it’s about pouring back into yourself with compassion, care, and intention. 

It’s natural to lose some amount of hope after a breakup, you are only human. But in order to find relief from the anxiety, depression and trauma that often accompanies a serious breakup, you need to give yourself all the care that a partner could. When we respond to our heartache by giving ourselves love and attention, we can let go of our pain and heal the wounds underneath.

How To Find Anxiety Relief After A Breakup

The end of a relationship can be a moment of great uncertainty, and uncertainty is difficult for our human brains to handle without some form of relief.  Since our bodies and the emotions that live inside of them are so often frantic in the face of uncertainty, we must learn how to calm ourselves when our anxiety overwhelms us so that the unknown feels less threatening. 

• Focus On What You Can Control. You cannot change the past because it’s in your rearview mirror. The future is uncertain, and only a measly point of light in the vast horizon. Dwelling on either can bring anxiety, but working on things in the here and now can offer you relief. There is a complicated past that cannot be undone, but there are  teeth to be brushed, meals to be cooked, dishes in the sink to be cleaned, shattered, and swept into a dustpan. Keep daily promises to  yourself so that when there are many things you can’t control, you can rely on clean sheets and a hot shower.
• Calm Your Body, Not Just Your Mind. Anxiety often shows up in the body as tightness, racing heart, or restlessness, so soothing your nervous system is just as important as quieting your thoughts. Exercise can help you work through stress because it increases endorphins, which are hormones that make you feel happy and decrease pain, and also increases neuroplasticity, aka your brain’s ability to change.  When you consistently exercise, you aren’t just strengthening the muscles in your body, you are strengthening the “muscles” in your brain.
•  Gentle movement, deep breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation can also bring real relief, because they activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is what controls your ability to relax and digest food. 
• Setting Intentions For Anxiety Relief. Although the future is a nebulous thing that can only be indirectly touched, it is still within our power to make it brighter. By setting the right intentions, we can picture the type of future we want and eventually figure out how to get there. You might think that intention-setting is overly simplistic, but it is an important anchor for navigating the unknown. The intentions you set help you create a sense of purpose for yourself, and when you have a sense of meaning, you increase dopamine in the brain.  Every small action that you take towards your intention gives you more direction and clarity, which gives you momentum even when the path ahead isn’t fully clear. Over time, your brain will begin to shift into seeing patterns of progress, which will increase your confidence and reduce anxiety. Your brain really can be changed, but it does require your commitment.

How A Therapist Helps You Mourn A Breakup

Lauren Mishkin is a therapist in St. Petersburg who specializes in patients who are healing from traumatic experiences.  She understands how, why, and where trauma can hide in the body, and guides her patients in healing old wounds and authentically stepping into the light. 

In therapy, the right counselor can ask insightful questions that help you come to terms with who you are and how you feel. These are the questions that Lauren would explore with a patient who was experiencing a painful breakup:

“What do you need most at this very moment? Not what you think you should need; but what you really need. (Is it a good cry, a good workout, time with friends, time in nature, a good meal, or something else?)

Try turning your attention inward towards your heart-space to mindfully and intentionally connect with parts of yourself affected by the ending. 

• Are there conflicting parts? Some happy to have old routines, people, hobbies, and/or freedoms back?
• Are those parts conflicting with parts of yourself longing for the past, connection, the storyline you built around how things would turn out? 
• Are there parts of you gutted by not only this ending; but all the unresolved endings from your life? If so, try working to validate and understand all of these parts without overthinking, without judgements, just being with them. 

Then, take a deep breath, relax the muscles in your body, and try getting grateful for at least one thing in your life.” – Lauren Mishkin, LMHC

Working with a therapist like Lauren can help you let go of the painful past and find the light in darkness.

How To Explore Your True Feelings After A Breakup 

The feelings we feel when a relationship ends are just as various and multifaceted as the relationships itself. In any emotionally serious relationship, we experience the mountainous peaks of anger and joy, as well as plummetous valleys of sadness and fear. 

Untangling this complicated web of emotionality is part of your work when you go through a breakup. But let’s try to make that workload a little lighter with some questions to ask yourself in the aftermath of your last relationship.

• Why did I need the relationship in the first place?
• Why did the relationship need to end? 
• What did I do to keep the relationship afloat? 
• What did my ex do to keep the relationship afloat? 
• What do I miss about my old relationship? 
• What am I happy to be done with?
• What have I learned to avoid in the future? 
• What have I learned to seek out in the future?

How A Counselor Offers Depression Relief After A Breakup

Michael Anthony is a St. Petersburg counselor and an expert in relationships. Michael has guided many clients through painful adjustments, overwhelming changes, and difficult breakups over the years, and knows what really helps whether you’re mourning the end of a friendship, a stage in your life, or a romantic relationship. When you work with the right therapist, they can offer you sage guidance when you’re unsure of where to go, and teach you how to find your new path with dignity and grace.

“Loss comes in many forms, be it through a passing, loss of job, or very commonly, the loss of a relationship.  Sometimes in life we are required to take a look at ourselves as well as our current circumstances and make decisions that are best for our own mental health.  Sometimes this can unfortunately mean parting ways with someone you have chosen to share part of your life with.  When coping with the loss of a relationship, one of the most important ways of healing is to take a look at yourself and realign with your own identity. These are twelve ways to do just that.” – Michael Anthony, LCSW

• Reach Out In Your Community. Firstly, it is important to identify your community and support system.  Make sure you have people in your life you feel comfortable sharing your experiences and feelings with.  
• Step Into Your Authenticity. Secondly, lean into self reflection and realign with what makes you you.  When we are in relationships, we sometimes make changes or compromises in order to create a shared existence, and it takes some effort to find yourself again.  
• Start Journaling. Thirdly, lean into some journaling in order to support yourself during this time.  Journaling is a good way to work through your thoughts and feelings, as well as begin to find yourself again.  
• Move Your Body. Next would be finding ways to move around.  Whether it is a walk around the block, or joining a gym, it is good to get your body moving in order to maintain a healthy flow of energy.  
• Explore Your Interests. The fifth way would be to find new interests.  Once you have started to find your identity again, it is a good opportunity to look at things you have been putting off for a while.  A new hobby or event, take some time to think about something new to do.  
• Establish Healthy Boundaries.  The sixth way would be to identify new boundaries with yourself and others.  Maybe you share a friend group with the person you have parted with.  Spend time thinking about who you would want to keep around and who we would not want to interact with.  
• Meet New People. Going along with this, number seven would be to expand your community and social group to new people that may not have any connection to your relationship life.  This could be new people you meet in new hobbies, or opening yourself up to new people who are interested in becoming a friend.  
• Join A Support Group. Eighth would be joining support groups if necessary.  Sometimes grief and loss hit us very hard and it is ok to recognize when you may want additional support.  There are plenty of groups out there that can assist with connecting you with others experiencing similar emotions.  You are not alone!! 
• Spend Time Outdoors Ninth would be to spend time outside.  When we stay stuck inside, it is easy to get lost in a mental spiral.  Having no outlets or things to do but watch TV can “turn off” the emotions for a while, but once the show is over, it will all come back in.  Spending time in nature or in a park can be a good way to remind yourself of open spaces and opportunities.  
• Find Healthy Outlets. Much like movement as mentioned earlier, healthy outlets allow us to come out feeling relaxed.  If we lean into numbing activities like drinking, watching Netflix, doing drugs, etc, our negative emotions will just come back stronger when the high wears off.  Finding healthy ways of expending energy and working through emotions is a great way to maintain healthy flow.  
• Practice Mindfulness. Whether it is through meditation, breathing exercises, or yoga, the practice of keeping yourself present will help alleviate the tendency to live in the past or worry about the future.  Remember, there is no suffering in the current moment!  
• Find The Comfort In Our Immense And Overwhelming Universe.  Remember that you are not alone and what you are experiencing is completely natural.  Although there may be different caveats with others’ experiences of break ups, the sense of grief and loss is still similar.  You are not alone in this and there are many others out there that have been through and will go through what you are experiencing now.

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.