How To Date Yourself

Out of all the relationships you build throughout life, the relationship you build with yourself is the most important. Learning to find wholeness within, outside of external validation, is one of the trickiest lessons to learn as an adult. It is, however, so necessary to do in order to live a happy, healthy, and integrated life. If you feel lost without a romantic partner, remember that all the love that you would give to them can go back to you. You can fill your own cup, and be your own date. Here are five ways you can be your own partner:

Actually go on a date with yourself!

You don’t need to be in a couple to do fun things outside the house. Make a point to do fun activities with yourself. Visit a museum, take a walk through the local botanical gardens, go to dinner with yourself, try a yoga class on your own. Try new things that no one has wanted to do with you. This is a very vulnerable thing to do, but it will help you grow stronger and more independent.

Write yourself a love letter

If you’re in a relationship or not, writing yourself a love letter is incredibly powerful. Instead of relying on someone else for validation, it’s important to learn how to validate yourself and really be good with only having you. Act as if you are writing this letter for a lover or a friend, telling yourself how proud you are of you and going into detail about all your good qualities. Step outside of yourself and see yourself the way a friend or lover would.

Indulge in self-care

At least once a week, indulge yourself in some self-care. You should be taking care of your basic needs and making sure your life runs smoothly, like keeping your house clean, feeding yourself keeping up with your personal hygiene, paying your bills, making enough money to support yourself, etc. However, if you’re going to be dating yourself, you should do more than just the basics each week. Buy yourself flowers, run yourself a bath, order the takeout you’ve been craving, give yourself an elaborate facial, anything that makes you feel special and warm on the inside.

Get to know yourself

When you’re in a new relationship with someone, you want to talk to them for hours, getting to know every last detail. Get to know yourself in the same way you would a new partner! The more you know yourself, the better off you will be in your next relationship. You can get to know yourself by journaling or talking aloud to yourself. Ask yourself the deep, hard-hitting questions. Look at the parts of you that make you uncomfortable and work through that discomfort. We all have dark and light within us, so we should get comfortable with both sides so that we can enter a new relationship from a place of real strength rather than dependence or validation. Try these journal prompts here to get started.

Empower yourself

There are small ways you can empower yourself every day, like having a strong meditation practice and repeating affirmations and mantras to yourself in the mirror. You can also think of activities that will empower you and make you feel amazing. One thing that makes me feel empowered is taking a class and learning a new skill. When the mind is left idle, our negative thoughts are more likely to take over. Keeping the mind busy by feeding it new information and helping it grow is the way to go.

Love and compassion are the two most important things you can give to yourself. Make sure you practice ways to love yourself every day. Do your meditation, say your mantras, take a long walk, and stop at nothing to find your true, authentic self.

Check out last week’s article, How To Turn Your Day Around!

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Starting with a creative written voice and a BA in English from ASU, Alli Cravener has become so much more than Integrative Counsel’s voice! Not only is she a writer who is passionate about connecting concepts and content, Alli is also currently a grad student working towards her Master’s in Counseling. She is also the editor-in-chief, office manager, AND intake specialist at Integrative Counsel. When you call us, you’ll talk to Alli! Alli’s interests include painting, history, learning about other people, and wearing the color pink. She likens herself to a “mouse in a palm tree”, and she loves it that way.