Anxiety can make the worst of even the kindest circumstances.

When you’re in a panic, it’s vital to have something stable that you can hold onto. It’s a tough situation, but it can be made even tougher without a healthy sense of self-love. By learning how to love yourself, you can become the source of your own stability, and live freely even under the cognitive ache of anxiety. 

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

How Does Self-Love Help Anxiety?

Many of our deepest insecurities are rooted in a lack of understanding and compassion for ourselves. These insecurities become exacerbated when exposed to stress, and can manifest symptomatically as anxiety. So what do you have to gain by working on your self-love? 

• Reliability. When you’re constantly down on yourself, and take all your best efforts in bad faith, it can feel almost impossible to rely on yourself. On its own, this can be a huge source of anxiety because as adults we rely on ourselves more than anybody else. In growing your self-love, you are also healing your sense of self-reliance. 

• Confidence. Without self-love, we often spend our precious energy seeking out validation from others in ineffective, exhausting, and embarrassing ways. In loving yourself, you can provide yourself with emotional security so you don’t desperately crave it in your interactions with others.

• Comfort. Often when we’re anxious, what we really need is a sense of comfort. When we are first learning how to cope with anxiety, we receive that comfort from others. The child tells the mother that they’re anxious, and the mother comforts the child however she knows how. The self-loving adult is both mother and child; feeling the twinge of anxiety, but also knowing how to bring comfort to it.

What Does Self-Love Help With? 

Much like the love shared between two separate individuals, self-love can have a powerful effect on not just your anxiety, but your entire life. In mastering this practice, you have the opportunity to gain: 

• Perspective. Without self-love, there are many everyday activities that can become difficult, or even impossible. After all, how often do you find an individual motivated to do the dishes for somebody they don’t even love? In learning self-love, many activities that you previously thought difficult or impossible will be made accessible to you.

• Compassion. For a long time, I thought that I could have compassion for others without having compassion for myself. It is not so. In my self-loathing, I would give to others what I so desperately craved for myself: toxic positivity, ego-stroking, and over-helpfulness. Although this made me friends in the short term, those relationships didn’t last, and most disappointingly, we didn’t really help one another. In learning to love yourself, you can find a truer sense of compassion for both yourself and others.

• Getting Out Of Bed. When I didn’t love myself, getting out of bed felt like the most difficult thing in the world. Everyday activities were huge sources of anxiety, and my lack of faith in myself made motivation difficult no matter what I was doing. In learning self-love, you can discover a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning: being kind to yourself.

Where Can I Learn Self-Love?

At Integrative Counsel, we have a lot of resources for those who struggle with self-love. It’s a sensitive subject, there’s a lot of information out there, and self-love can be an intimidating topic of study, but it can be taught and mastered. 

On Your Own. A great place to start is with independent study. Doing research into self-care, self-doubt, and self-compassion can all be illuminating, and we’ve linked our own articles that we think might be helpful to you. Doing your own research can help you come to terms with both your anxiety, and your ability to care for yourself. However, it can be tricky to figure this stuff out, especially as a beginner. So for most of us, this might only be the first step.

From An Expert. Many of the most useful lessons you can learn about self-love come when you pay attention to the real experts on the subject. We sought out Kristina Rich because she teaches self-love professionally in her yoga practice. In her module of our Empower course, she shares vital wisdom on body positivity, intercepting negative self talk, and loving yourself naked.

From A Professional Therapist. For many who struggle with self-love, the problem runs so deep in the mind that it impacts the body as well. And when it comes to bringing balance to the mind and body, Somatic Therapy has helped thousands of patients heal with the anxiety, depression, and trauma living in their bodies. Lauren Mishkin is a licensed counselor specializing in somatic, body-informed therapy that can treat trauma, depression, anxiety, and help you learn to love yourself by tapping into your body’s messages.

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.