Don’t Man Up! Why We Need Men Who Feel

For many men, emotions can feel like unfamiliar terrain—something to manage, minimize, or power through. But ignoring your feelings doesn’t make them disappear; it only pushes them further out of reach. Therapy offers a space to slow down, reconnect, and begin understanding what your emotions are really trying to tell you. By getting back in touch with your feelings, you strengthen your relationships, reduce stress, and rediscover the parts of yourself that have been buried under expectation and pressure.

“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” – Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Why Do Men Have Trouble Expressing Their Feelings?

The expectation in our society for men is highly specific. Men must be strong. Men must be physically capable. Men must not have intense emotions, or at least be able to hide them when the need arises. In order to be perceived as a man and included by their peers, men must do all of these things at the same time, all the time.

Indeed, performing masculinity is correlated with an inability to ask for help, worsened symptoms, and a lessened ability to manage those symptoms. Men are completely capable of doing these things regardless of their gender expression, it’s just that they are not taught anything else and are discouraged when they try to learn. But understanding why we’re so afraid to be vulnerable can help men break free from this unhelpful and self-sabotaging pattern.

• They Fear Judgment. Many men grow up hearing messages that equate vulnerability with weakness. This conditioning can create a deep fear of being judged, dismissed, or misunderstood when expressing emotions. Over time, it becomes easier to stay silent than to risk being seen as “too emotional.” But therapy offers a safe, judgment-free space to unlearn that fear and begin expressing what’s real.
• They Lack Practice. Men are encouraged in our society to tune out every feeling except for anger and contentment. Often they do not learn how to express sadness, fear, or even joy until they are encouraged to by someone they trust. In therapy, men can learn how to identify emotions, name them accurately, and communicate them in ways that foster connection rather than conflict.
• They Don’t Have An Outlet. Without healthy outlets, emotions tend to build up beneath the surface—sometimes showing up as irritability, numbness, or burnout. Men can express these feelings in any number of ways (through exercise, meaningful conversation, creativity or journaling) but in order to stay regulated, we need outlets for our powerful emotions. Therapy helps men practice and learn how to give their feelings a voice and let those feelings go when the time comes.
• They Haven’t Gone To Therapy Yet. For many men, therapy is the missing piece. A therapist can equip you with the tools to sort through your complicated feelings. Once we experience the relief that comes with being seen and understood, emotional openness can become our greatest strength.

How Therapy Can Help Men Get Back In Touch With Their Feelings

• Accept That There Are Things You Can’t Fix. Therapy helps you practice acceptance: learning to sit with discomfort without needing to fix it right away. When we have acceptance for the things that are out of our control, we can let go of our needless worries and tune into our most authentic feelings.
• Build Hope In Therapy. Hope is like a houseplant. It needs time and attention to fully blossom. The right counselor can help us to cultivate a mindset of hope that will keep us taken care of and resilient no matter what we face. 
• Treat Your Feelings As If They Belonged To A Friend. You might find it easier to offer kindness to others than to yourself. Therapy encourages you to extend that same compassion inward—to listen to your emotions without judgment and respond with care. When you treat your feelings as if they belong to someone you love, healing becomes more natural and sustainable.
• Understand The Impact Of Toxic Masculinity. Society often sends men the message that strength means staying stoic or suppressing emotion. Therapy helps you unpack those beliefs and see how they’ve shaped your emotional life. By letting go of outdated expectations, you can redefine what strength really means—choosing authenticity, empathy, and emotional honesty over suffering in silence. 

How Do Men Succeed In Therapy?

Michael Anthony is a counselor in St. Petersburg who specializes in helping men reconnect with their feelings and succeed in their relationships with others. Michael creates a therapeutic relationship with his clients where they feel safe to open up about how they really feel, sometimes for the very first time. This is the advice that he has to offer for men considering therapy:

“There is a growing stigma surrounding men engaging in mental health services, with the common misconception being that you should “man up,” or take care of others before taking care of yourself.  This is an outdated frame of mind stemming from generations of a survival mindset in a demanding world.  Many men I see in my practice identify themselves in roles such as father, provider, hard worker, and others, but the price tag of leaning into these roles without support or community can be burnout or unchecked health problems due to high stress.

The mindful male is someone who can be in tune with how they work internally so that they can work better externally.  Even just feeling comfortable talking with friends or other men about shared difficulties can be the difference between feeling supported or feeling like you are the only one dealing with your set of struggles.  I encourage all men to look internally and understand how they are thinking and feeling since it is hard to give 100% if you do not feel 100%!  All it takes is the first step of reaching out to someone in the profession, I promise it is a judgement free space and you will see that being proactive about your mental health instead of reactive, does not have to be a sign of weakness or a scary thing.” – Michael Anthony, LCSW

How To Find Therapy For Men That’s Covered By Your Insurance

Beginning therapy as a man can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory. One that asks you to slow down, look inward, and face emotions that may have been easier to push aside. Yet this first step is a powerful act of courage. Therapy for men isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about becoming more mindful of your feelings, learning to listen to what they’re telling you, and finding a healthier way to navigate stress, relationships, and everyday challenges. At Integrative Counsel, we believe therapy opens the door to greater resilience, emotional balance, and a life that feels more grounded and connected.

When you schedule your intake, you won’t be navigating this transition alone. Our team walks beside you, offering guidance through each practical step—whether it’s exploring in-network options, utilizing a sliding scale, or connecting with a trusted provider. We aim to make your start in therapy feel steady and supportive, so you can focus on what really matters: showing up for yourself.

Counselors Who Accept Aetna Insurance
If you’re beginning therapy with Aetna coverage, our trauma-informed, in-network therapists help you enter care with confidence. We reduce financial stress so you can put your energy toward emotional awareness and healing—tools that empower men to live with clarity and purpose.

Therapy for People With Optum
Whether your coverage is through Optum Oscar, Optum Oxford, or United Optum, we help you find a therapist who meets you where you are—emotionally, financially, and personally. Every step of the process is a reminder that being mindful of your feelings isn’t weakness—it’s strength. Even the hardest transitions can bring you closer to stability, growth, and a renewed sense of possibility.

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.