Heal Family Stories

Our families are the very first relationships we have. These early experiences become the foundation for how we view ourselves, others, and the world around us. The stories that are kept within our families, both the good and the bad, leave a mark on us as adults and can impact our future relationships. However, while our families shape us, they don’t define us. By recognizing these influences, we can choose to rewrite the narratives that no longer serve us and create our own stories of love, resilience, and self-discovery.

“The world, the human world, is bound together not by protons and electrons, but by stories. Nothing has meaning in itself: all the objects in the world would be shards of bare mute blankness, spinning wildly out of orbit, if we didn’t bind them together with stories.”

Brian Morton

What Are The Psychological Effects Of Family Problems? 

If left unhealed, the age-old stories of our families will start to repeat themselves in our own words and actions. If we don’t unpack that baggage, we end up acting out those same stories in our own lives through the following ways:

• Communication Issues. When families struggle to communicate effectively, it can lead to feelings of isolation, misunderstanding, and resentment. If you grow up like this, you might have trouble speaking your mind or getting your point across later in life, which can potentially cause you to feel isolated and misunderstood.This leads to trouble setting boundaries and expressing how you really feel, which can lead to you not getting what you want and deserve out of life. 
• Negative Self-Talk. Family can really shape how you see yourself. If you constantly hear negativity from the people who are supposed to love you most, it can turn into a nasty voice in your head that just tears you down. This can make it hard to feel good about yourself and believe in your abilities and creates a harsh inner critic.
• Relationship Woes. Unhealthy family patterns can be unconsciously repeated in romantic relationships or friendships. Someone who grew up in a chaotic household might be drawn to similar drama in their adult relationships, or someone who experienced emotional neglect might struggle with intimacy.

How To Heal From A Broken Family

Many people carry the weight of a fractured family history. Each one of us has had at least one negative experience with our family. That’s because no one is perfect, so therefore, no one has a perfect family. Louise Hay says in You Can Heal Your Life that our parents were doing the best that they could with the information that they had at the time. They have a tiny, scared, and hurt inner child inside of them. That is to not to excuse whatever negative experience that happened, but to help you have compassion for your parents and work towards forgiveness– not for them, but for you. 

• Be Authentic In Your Family Interactions. It can be all too easy to recede into a persona when we interact with our family, either to protect ourselves or seek the approval of our family. But when we authentically interact with our family, we give ourselves the opportunity to interface with our family story directly. 
• Forge Your Own Traditions. Maybe some old family traditions bring up bad memories. Give yourself permission to switch things up and start fresh with your own traditions. You can create new traditions with your family, like playing a silly game that makes everyone laugh, or a more simple one like a movie night with special popcorn. You can also create your own traditions with your chosen family and friends. 
• Address Your Generational Trauma. Sometimes, family problems stem from deeper issues passed down through generations. It’s important to remember that addressing generational trauma isn’t about blaming anyone. It’s about understanding your past and using that knowledge to create a better future and a healthier family dynamic so that you can start to look forward to the time you spend together and have a better understanding of yourself. 
• Find The Right Counselor.  If you feel stuck in a cycle, consider therapy to explore these issues.  A therapist can be a safe space to unpack that baggage and find healthier ways to move forward. A good therapist can be a game-changer, but don’t underestimate the power of good friends or even support groups. Surround yourself with people who understand and uplift you.

“All our ancestors and all future generations are present in us all the time. Happiness is not an individual matter. As long as the ancestors in us are still suffering we can’t be happy, and we will transmit their suffering to our children and their children.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Starting with a creative written voice and a BA in English from ASU, Alli Cravener has become so much more than Integrative Counsel’s voice! Not only is she a writer who is passionate about connecting concepts and content, Alli is also currently a grad student working towards her Master’s in Counseling. She is also the editor-in-chief, office manager, AND intake specialist at Integrative Counsel. When you call us, you’ll talk to Alli! Alli’s interests include painting, history, learning about other people, and wearing the color pink. She likens herself to a “mouse in a palm tree”, and she loves it that way.