How To Emotionally Support Your Partner Through Tough Times

In any relationship that lasts long enough, there comes a time when your partner will need your emotional support. Whether it comes as a result of a pregnancy, medical crisis, or family emergency, the right support can make all the difference in the world for the people we love. To maintain your most important relationships, you must understand how to be supportive during tough times. So let’s talk about how. 

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.”

Alfred Tennyson

How Do I Emotionally Support My Partner? 

• Listen. Sometimes there’s nothing we can say or do to make our partners feel better. In these times, the most helpful thing we can do is listen to their problems with open minds and warm hearts. Even when there’s nothing to be done, taking the time to listen can help to lighten the load. 
• Choose Your Battles. When someone is going through a tough time, often their first instinct may be to argue or criticize. It can be tempting, especially if you’re experiencing a rough patch yourself, to argue with them, but this can wind up putting a distance between you and your partner when they most need your help. Before you start arguing with your partner, make certain that it’s an argument worth having. Ask yourself a few questions: Will this argument help your partner? Will your argument be heard? And most vitally, is there a way to frame this discussion in a non-aggressive, non argumentative way?   
• Open Up. Let me be clear about this: opening up to your partner does not mean unloading or complaining to them about your own difficult experiences. This can leave your partner feeling like they have to support you rather than open up about their own challenging feelings, and actually lessens the emotional intimacy in your relationship. What I mean by opening up is this: create an environment where your partner feels comfortable talking about their challenges. Respond with compassion to their problems. Validate their feelings. Give them your time and attention whenever you can. 

What Can You Say To Your Partner When They’re Struggling?

Words can often feel cheap, especially when a loved one is experiencing an intense period of struggle, but they still have their place in your communication toolbelt. Here are a few phrases you can offer your help with when your partner is going through a challenging life event: 

• “What do you need/want right now?” Checking in with your partner and asking them what they need is a great place to start when you need to emotionally support your partner. Your partner is the ultimate authority on themselves, and can be a great resource when you’re looking for places that you can help. However, people are complicated creatures, and they don’t always know for certain what will make them feel better, so don’t rely on this alone. If your partner isn’t sure what they want or need, don’t hold it against them, and don’t give up on helping just because it isn’t easy. 
• “Can I get you something to eat?” Our hunger is a force upon our mental health the same way that gravity is a force upon the planets and stars. When we’re hungry, everything else becomes much worse. But consequently, when we eat, everything else becomes much more manageable. By helping your partner stay fed and nourished, you can 
• “That’s really hard.” Sometimes our instinct when someone is complaining is to minimize the severity of their problem. Phrases like “Hey, that’s not that bad. At least…” might help someone if they’re kvetching about a household chore, but it can feel principally dismissive when applied to more serious issues. Sometimes the answer isn’t to offer a solution. Validating your partner’s situation can help them feel understood, and you don’t always have to have all the answers.

Sometimes, you may have trouble navigating your relationship, especially when going through a tough time or a life transition. You may not know how to emotionally support your partner. If you feel stuck, working with a  couple’s therapist can help. Our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.