There are a lot of reasons that a relationship can struggle.

We aren’t born with the tools we need to communicate with, listen to, and love one another, and we don’t always learn them in childhood. The painful stories in our past can make picturing a positive future feel like an impossibility, and our worries about the future can turn the present into a bright, unbearable nightmare. With the future uncertain, and the present uncomfortable, even good relationships can appear irreparably ruined. But if we take a step back, take a deep breath, and look for a solution, then we can begin to repair the relationships that matter so much to us.  

What Do I Do If I’ve Ruined My Relationship? 

The first step to rebuilding your relationship is realizing that something is wrong that is within our power to fix. This is a challenging revelation for many to have, because our ego gets tied up in the story that there was nothing going wrong. When we realize that we are at fault (in full, or in part) for the issues in our relationship, many find themselves jumping to harsh conclusions about themselves and the people they love. These assumptions can sadly become self-fulfilling prophecies if they aren’t challenged, so here’s a few negative assumptions and some ways you can challenge them:

• We can’t communicate. Communication is hard, and nobody has ever done it perfectly. When things go awry, it is all too easy to start catastrophizing about the future. If we take the time to think things over, we can come to the understanding that once we recognize the places where we’ve failed to communicate, we can finally address them. 

• They won’t understand. People are often far more judgmental in our imaginations than they are in reality, especially those we love. If you take the time to constructively articulate your feelings, even if you aren’t fully understood, you might come to a greater understanding of yourself.

• I will only hurt them (and myself). When we’ve made a bunch of mistakes, it’s easy to assume that we’ll just continue making mistakes without letting up, and that it will always be this way. This can be a devastating story when we tell it to ourselves often enough. So devastating, in fact, that we can’t muster the hope required to kick our old habits. 

How do I deal with jealousy in my relationships?

Jealousy is a normal part of being a human. Jealousy is uncomfortable, but, like all of our emotions, it’s  there to send us a message about what needs aren’t being met. When we are jealous of someone else, it’s usually because they have something that we don’t, or we feel less than. You will need to see what feelings lay underneath your jealousy in order to know how to resolve them within. Our experts can guide you through jealousy with our “Explore Your Jealousy” mini-course. They will help you learn to listen to its potent messages, uncover the feelings beyond your jealousy, and work through them with your partner.

Is It Too Late To Fix My Relationship?

To get to the point: No! It is still within your power to heal your relationship. It might not be the same as it was, but with faith and effort, it could become even better. So, with faith in pocket and effort at hand, what can you do to mend your partnership? 

• Be Nostalgic. When you first started dating, your relationship brought a spark of joy into your life. Maybe you stayed up late talking, went dancing, or read together in comfortable silence. Talk with your partner, and figure out what it was you were doing when you fell in love. And then, do it together!

• Be Generous. Success in love means giving without expectation of anything in return. We all desire this from our relationships, but many are unwilling to do it without compensation. In order to get, we must first give. In the moments where it is most difficult to express our love, that is when it can be the most meaningful.

• Be Remorseful. Take the time to listen to your partner about where you’ve gone wrong in your relationship. Hear them out, and really try to empathize with what they’re feeling. Apologize where necessary, and don’t take your own mistakes personally. 

Can You Fix A Badly Damaged Relationship?

You can fix your relationship, even if it’s badly damaged. The bad news is, there’s lots of work to be done, and the good news is, there’s lots of work to be done. If you’re stuck and don’t know where to turn, our therapists can guide you through the mud and provide you and your partner with the coping skills you need to make it through the rough patches. You don’t have to do it alone. You can ask for help and receive guidance with acceptance, kindness, and no judgment.

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.