Ask Your Partner These Questions for Valentine’s Day

How can we be closer to our partner this Valentine’s Day? The right couples’ therapist can open up the lines of communication, but only you can actually do the talking. That means doing the work on yourself, addressing the underlying problems in your relationship, and even talking it out with a couples’ counselor. 

It’s natural to seek out closeness in our relationship, but we don’t always know the path to get there. There’s not a map we can hand you, or a guidebook that has all the answers. But we can give you all the tools and information to find it yourself. Sit down with your partner, and start asking the big questions. 

“Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

How Would A Couples Counselor Heal Your Relationship? 

Michael Anthony is a couples therapist in St. Petersburg who helps couples grow to understand one another through open communication. These are his recommendations on getting closer to your partner this Valentine’s Day: 

“John and Julie Gottman created what is called “The Sound Relationship House” which outlines many areas couples can master and become closer than ever before!  The very first level is called “love mapping” which ultimately means getting to know more about your partner’s world.  Although this opens the door to any questions you may have to get to know your partner’s world better, there are a few that I have used myself.” – Michael Anthony, LCSW.

• What Are Some Of Your Favorite Memories Of Us? This can open the door for memories, trips, things that attracted you to one another in the first place, etc.  A lot of times we get caught up in the partnership part of a relationship and put the affection piece to the side.  By reflecting on where we have come from is a good refresher!
• Where Do You See Us In The Next Five Years? This gives us the opportunity to visualize goals we may have either individually or as a couple.  We can use this as a window to see how you can best support one another in the years ahead!
• Should We Go To Couples Therapy? If your relationship is in desperate need of closeness, seeking out a relationship therapist is often the fastest path to improvement. When our car is malfunctioning, we take it to a mechanic. When our relationship is malfunctioning, we take it to an expert like Michael.

How Does Self Care Improve Your Relationship?

Self care is DIY relationship therapy. That’s the headline. If you take nothing else away, let it be that taking care of yourself will save you a lot of time and money on therapy in the long run. Lack of self care will inevitably impact your achievement, quality of life, and yes, even your relationship. 

Disturbed sleep in the evening is correlated with relationship conflict the next day. It’s truly impossible to neglect ourselves without also neglecting the people closest to us. If we practice self love through self care, we do our relationship a huge favor.

• Are You Being Grateful? Gratitude is a huge factor in having a healthy relationship. Couples who regularly express their gratitude and admiration for one another are generally couples who remain in a stable, respectful relationship.
• When Are You Making Time For Your Hobbies? Your interests aren’t just a huge benefit to your own short-term joy. Being a well-rounded, joyful and entertained individual makes for well-rounded, joyous, and entertaining company. If we don’t make time for the things that are important to us, how can we be the person our partner fell in love with in the first place? 
• How Are You Practicing Self Love? You can’t pour from an empty cup. When we lack self-love, our partners often love two or three times as hard to make up for our lack, but sadly, no amount of love from a partner will be able to fill the void that self love can. But if you practice every day, self love is a skill that you can learn and master.

Where Do We Go Wrong In Our Relationships? 

Couples therapy can teach you a lot, but you’re the one who’s been there experiencing your relationship. You and your partner know better than anybody where you’ve made mistakes, when you’ve had to make up, and how many times you’ve compromised to make peace. 

Many couples struggle with unresolved disagreements, differing expectations, or past wounds that continue to impact their connection. Addressing these issues is what makes the difference between couples who weather the storm and those who drift apart. Ask these questions to examine where you’ve been in your relationship and where you’d like to go.

• Are We Setting And Respecting One Another’s Boundaries? One of the fundamental ways we establish and maintain respect in our relationships is through setting and respecting one another’s boundaries. Communicating is a lot easier when we feel comfortable putting up a boundary when we’re upset and respectful when our partner sets a boundary themselves.
• How And When Do We Forgive Our Partner? Mistakes are inevitable, even in loving, lasting relationships. So as your relationship ages and grows, forgiveness becomes more and more necessary. When have you each successfully forgiven your partner in the past? How can they expect to earn your forgiveness in the future?
• When Are We Avoiding Intimacy? Being intimacy avoidant goes a lot deeper than just the physical. In fact, sometimes we avoid  emotional intimacy through intimate contact. How do you and your partner find comfort being physically intimate? How do you find comfort being emotionally intimate?

Do We Need Couples Counseling?

I think we all want to be good partners, we just sometimes lack the space, time, and skillset to be the partner our partner deserves. Instead of relying solely on romantic gestures, therapy provides a space to communicate openly, address underlying issues, and strengthen emotional intimacy. 

• What If I’m Skeptical Of Therapy? Even if you have your doubts, the right counselor will be able to address them when they’re expressed. It’s natural to have questions, and you can take your time to get comfortable with your counselor before baring your soul to them.
• How Does EMDR Therapy Help Your Relationship? Often we struggle in our relationships because of our own individual mental health struggles. EMDR can rewrite the wiring of your brain and unlearn some of the most deeply ingrained and harmful patterns. 
• Can Couples Therapy Help Me Support My Partner Through Tough Times? When you’re experiencing a stressful moment of transition in your life (birth, death, unemployment, etc), it’s natural to seek out somebody to lean on. But often our partners are experiencing much of the same stressors that we are, and they don’t always have the bandwidth to be leaned on. By working with a couples therapist, you can make sure that your relationship has an outlet for both support and open communication when times get tough. 

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu

Finding A Couples Counselor In St. Petersburg, FL.

Michael offers couple’s counseling in St Petersburg, FL. Integrative Counsel uses the John and Julie Gottman model of couple’s therapy. Building “Love Maps,” ultimately learning more about your partner. In a couple’s therapy session, you will learn the following:

1. Sharing fondness and appreciation (validation and affection)
2. Turning towards your partner 
3. Creating positive perspectives
4. Proper management of conflict
5. Making dreams come true (support of one another)
6. Creating Shared meaning

Interested in starting couple’s counseling sessions? Click here to schedule a consultation and get scheduled in.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.