Before You Quit Therapy, Try This

Thinking about quitting therapy can bring up a lot of mixed emotions, especially if you’ve already invested time, energy, and hope into the process. But when you’ve put in all that effort, sometimes there has been little or no reward and the prospect of quitting can start to look pretty appetizing. 

But before you quit, it serves you to understand why therapy isn’t working for you. Is there more you can try? Is your therapist a good fit for you? How does a functional therapeutic alliance work, and how can you foster one? Let’s learn from the experts.

“If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’” – Rudyard Kipling, If. 

What Can I Do When I Feel Overwhelmed By Therapy?

Lauren Mishkin is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in St. Petersburg who is an expert in forging and maintaining therapeutic relationships with her clients. That means meeting you where you’re at, pushing you where you need to be pushed, and collaborating on how to be your best self. Counselors like Lauren help their clients find homeostasis with a strong set of coping tools.

“Life can get crazy, busy, expensive, and overwhelming. If our nervous system is already frazzled, it can be hard to imagine keeping one more thing on our plates. Before quitting therapy, maybe take a few minutes going inwards to reflect if you had clear goals going into therapy. If so, do you feel like you’re making progress towards those goals? Are you learning skills that are improving your quality of life? Is your communication within relationships improving? If so, maybe take a week off rather than quitting altogether. Therapy is not an easy process. It takes work and sometimes it feels worse before it gets better. Evaluating where you are in your therapy goals can help tease out whether quitting may be an avoidant flight response or an empowered decision. If you are not making progress on your goals, maybe talk to your therapist about working on the pieces you feel are missing. Ideally, therapy should be a collaborative process where you feel empowered to speak up if things feel off.” – Lauren Mishkin, MS, LMHC

Talk to Your Therapist About How You’re Feeling

Communication is at the core of any functioning relationship, and a therapeutic relationship is no different. Here are some topics you can explore with your therapist when you feel unsure over whether to continue with them: 

• Explore Aspects Of Your Treatment That Confuse You. It can motivate and gratify you to understand why we do the things we do in therapy. If there are aspects of your therapy (whether that’s a piece of homework, a point of emphasis, or even just the way you and your counselor communicate) that aren’t resonating with you, approach with an attitude of curiosity and try to understand their purpose.
• Don’t Rely On AI To Answer Your Questions. Chatbots like ChatGPT will tell you exactly what you want to hear, and that’s the problem. In a productive therapeutic relationship, your counselor will encourage you to face the issues you wouldn’t or couldn’t face on your own. If you’re unsatisfied with your therapy, don’t look to a language learning model to make up the difference. 
• Figure Out Where You Might Be Going Wrong. The therapeutic alliance is a two-way street, and it takes the both of you to make real progress. Have you been doing your homework? Do you find yourself people-pleasing your counselor when difficult topics come up? What are the major obstacles to you doing your work in therapy?

Evaluate Your Relationship With Your Therapist

“Before quitting therapy, evaluate if there is a rapport issue within the therapeutic alliance. Maybe ask yourself these questions. Do you feel comfortable sharing openly? Do you feel seen? Do you feel validated? Do you feel like you are learning coping skills that are improving your life? Do you feel the potential exists to eventually show up fully as your authentic self? If so, share your feelings and concerns about therapy with your clinician so you can formulate a plan to deepen the connection and bring more value to that hour of your life. If not, it may be time to explore other options. Not every therapist is going to resonate with every person and that is ok. The therapeutic alliance is one of the most potent ingredients in effective therapy. Be your own advocate in the therapy process to create a safe container where healing can occur. That may be with your current therapist or with someone new.” – Lauren Mishkin, MS, LMHC

Only you and your counselor have enough information to decide whether your therapeutic relationship is working. These are some  more questions that a counselor like Lauren would ask when determining if a therapeutic alliance is working: 

• Is Your Counselor Giving You Skills To Lean On When Everything Is Changing? Having a strong toolkit is one of the most valuable things we get out of therapy. What tools has your therapist given you to cope with?
• Are You Getting The Right Kind Of Therapy? There are a lot of different therapy disciplines that each help with different problems. Is your therapist collaborating with you and giving you what you need? “It important you know what kind of therapeutic space you need, because there are all kinds of therapists out there and the right one can make a huge difference in your mindset about it! Find out if you’re more in need of a CBT, mindfulness, somatic, creative arts, existential, or solution-focused therapist. These are only some of the additional approaches you can seek.” -Quinn Smalley, LMHC, ART
• Would You Be Better Served By A Different Therapist? Are you just not clicking with your therapist? Are their values different than yours? You might be better off forging a new therapeutic alliance than repairing your old one.

“Sometimes when doing therapy we may feel like we are not progressing as fast as we would like to.  We tend to measure ourselves from the goal backwards rather than honoring where we are in progression to the goal.  This can add frustration and thoughts of dropping out due to time or finances.  Although some of this may be valid to your schedule or financial situation, remember that therapy is an investment in yourself and your future.  Many therapists (myself included) are extraordinarily welcoming of feedback and prior to deciding to allow yourself to fall out of momentum, don’t be afraid to bring up your concerns with your provider.  You would be surprised at how understanding we can be!” –Michael Anthony, LCSW

Revisit Your Expectations For Therapy

“Many look to a therapist to solve everything and work magic, but one of the most important things therapy provides is the space to show yourself how much you’re willing to pour into yourself. A therapist holds a very important space for a client, one filled with education and presence, but the real miracle worker is you. Therapy is symbolic of this dedication or lack of dedication to self and a therapist is there to highlight this synergy and support you along the way.” Quinn Smalley, LMHC, ATR

Your therapist is not the expert of your life. You are. A good therapist is here to guide you along the journey of life, holding the lantern to light your path and helping you understand what’s in front of you. Maybe they help you notice something that’s always been there, but that you haven’t been able to see before. Therapy isn’t about giving someone else the reins to your life and hoping that will make it better, it’s about reclaiming your own power. When you are supported by a compassionate guide, you learn to let go of the blocks that prevent you from trusting your inner wisdom. 

Finding A St. Petersburg Counselor That Accepts Insurance

If you’re thinking about beginning therapy with Integrative Counsel, one of your first questions might be whether we accept your insurance. Figuring out mental health coverage can be confusing—and that’s the last thing you need when starting your healing journey. Here’s what you need to know to determine if your insurance is accepted and how to make the most of your benefits. 

No matter who your insurance provider is, our goal is to help you access care you can afford. When you schedule an intake appointment with us, we’ll work with you to find a therapist within your budget. That could mean using a sliding scale, navigating insurance reimbursement through a superbill, or even referring you to another trusted provider outside our practice. Whatever the path, Integrative Counsel is committed to supporting you.

• Counselors Who Accept Aetna Insurance. If you’re covered by Aetna, you’re in good hands with our team. Our trauma-informed team is in-network and ready to support you on your healing journey. That means you can begin therapy without added financial strain.
• Therapists Who Accept Cigna Insurance. It shouldn’t be so difficult to find a Cigna-accepted therapist who truly understands the deep impact of childhood trauma. At Integrative Counsel, we’ve made it easier. Our team includes compassionate providers who are covered by your plan and skilled in trauma recovery.
• Therapy For People With Optum. Whether you’re insured through Optum Oscar, Optum Oxford, or United Optum, we can help you find a therapist who meets you where you are. Finding counseling that fits in your lifestyle can be quite the journey, but Integrative Counsel is here to help you at every step of the way.

 If you feel stuck on your healing journey, working with a therapist can help. Based on your needs, our intake specialist will help you get matched up with your perfect therapist. Click here to schedule a consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.