Don’t Rely On Motivation, Rely On Your Systems

It’s not enough to work hard. 

Hard work will put money in your bank account and heavy wear on the cartilage in your knees, but it will not put food in your belly, warmth in your bed, nor sleep behind your eyes.

You are a delicate animal with many needs that are difficult to manage. To really function at a high level as a human being, we sometimes need to carefully guide our minds and bodies like we would a sick zoo animal.

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together.”— William James

We were given these imperfect minds to pilot these complicated bodies, and we weren’t given inadequate instruction on both. That wasn’t fair, and I think we’d all like a do-over, or failing that, the adequate instruction we deserved as beginners. 

And so, I tell you this: 

Your body wants to do the same thing over and over. It has an imperfect but voracious learning machine called a brain that thrives and finds security in repetition.

When we offer our minds true security through repetition, routine, and all of our other systems, we can find the strength to do the things that used to be impossible through motivation alone.

Why Motivation Alone Often Fails Us

Motivation can inspire us. It can help us generate hope and resilience during difficult periods of any endeavor.

But motivation is also deeply influenced by circumstance.

We may be motivated when we’re rested and discouraged when we’re exhausted. We may feel confident when business is going well and overwhelmed when it isn’t. We may have tremendous patience with our children one morning and very little left by the evening.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ve become lazy, undisciplined, or incapable.

It means we’re human. 

“When passion is awakened, the philosopher is lost in the man.”— David Hume 

It does not make us a failure to be human. But if we do not build a life that recognizes our human-ness, then we will fail over and over again.

What Systems Can Do For Business Owners and Bosses

Being responsible for other people creates a particular kind of mental load.

As a business owner, you may be responsible for payroll, clients, employees, finances, deadlines, marketing, and the future of the organization.

As a boss, other people’s problems may arrive at your desk all day long.

And as a head of household, you may find yourself carrying responsibilities that aren’t formally written anywhere: remembering appointments, buying groceries, planning vacations, scheduling repairs, keeping track of everyone’s needs, and noticing when something is about to go wrong.

You can be very good at carrying all of this.

But being capable of carrying something does not mean you should have to carry it in your head.

Systems allow us to externalize some of that mental load.

Use the calendar.

Make the checklist.

Automate the payment.

Delegate the task.

Create the recurring meeting.

Write down the process.

Put the responsibility somewhere other than your brain.

This isn’t laziness.

It’s architecture.

And good architecture allows a building to stand without asking every individual brick to hold itself up.

Depression Relief: Build Systems That Support You When Motivation Is Low

Depression has a way of making ordinary tasks feel strangely expensive.

Getting out of bed can require negotiation. Answering an email can feel like a project. Making dinner can seem absurdly complicated. Things that you know you should be able to do suddenly require an amount of energy you don’t seem to have.

This is one reason I don’t think depression treatment should be reduced to simply telling people to “try harder.”

When motivation is low, we need fewer decisions between ourselves and the things that keep us well.

How Can A Nightly Routine Become DIY Depression Treatment? 

Your nightly routine is something you can rely on at the end of every day to get done. These can range from things you enjoy and prioritize to the acts of daily living that make our survival possible. 

Good items to include in your routine to help with depression are:

• The same bed time each night. 
• Avoiding screens in the hour before sleep by reading real paper books.
• Bathing, brushing your teeth, skin care. 
• Carve out time for your hobby at night.

What Can We Rely On When We’re Experiencing Grief?

Grief can complicate this even further. When we’re grieving, many of the routines that previously organized our lives may suddenly feel meaningless. Sometimes the system we need isn’t about productivity at all. It might simply be a way of remembering to eat, sleep, shower, leave the house, or let another person know that we’re having a difficult day.

We can honor our grief through our systems by: 

• Choosing not to numb ourselves with substances.
• Keeping up with our habits and responsibilities even when it’s hard. 
• Asking for help when we don’t have the time, energy, or desire to do something.

How Do We Figure Out Which Systems Are Right For Us?

You need to find a toolkit that helps you with the problems in front of you. Not just the tools everyone thinks you need. 

The goal isn’t to construct a perfect life.

It’s to construct enough support that a difficult day doesn’t automatically become a disastrous one.

And the right systems will be different for different people.

Anxiety Relief: Create Predictability When Your Mind Feels Uncertain

Anxiety often thrives in uncertainty.

What if I forget something?

What if something goes wrong?

What if I can’t handle it?

What if they are angry with me?

What if I miss something important?

A system cannot eliminate uncertainty. Life will always contain things we cannot predict or control. Reassurance will oftentimes make us feel worse in the long run.

But systems can create predictability where predictability is possible.

This can look like: 

• Social Support. Having a system of social support is vital to human function. That means letting people in enough to understand how your anxiety manifests, and also taking enough responsibility for your anxiety to let them know how to help. 

• Self-Soothing. Our thoughts and feelings can be talked down. That includes our thoughts and feelings of overwhelm. If we know the recipe, if we know the ins and outs of how to soothe the animal of our body, then we can do it ourselves whenever we need.  

• Going To Therapy. We all experience anxiety. Some of us can get by with the little pieces of human wisdom we naturally pick up along the way to quell our own nerves. But others have anxiety so persistent that they need time-tested wisdom from the well of ages. Therapy is where we go when we need to consult the experts.

Which Systems Can Help With OCD Relief?

This is where we need to be particularly thoughtful.

For someone experiencing OCD, a system can either support recovery or become another way of managing anxiety through compulsive behavior.

There is an important difference between creating a structure that helps you live your life and creating increasingly elaborate rules designed to guarantee that nothing bad will happen.

The first can be supportive.

The second can become part of the problem.

This is one reason it can be helpful to work with a therapist who understands the difference.

The goal isn’t to create a life in which you never feel uncertain.

It’s to build the capacity to tolerate uncertainty without allowing fear to dictate every behavior.

• Tolerate uncertainty where you can. You can always find places to practice, and we all could use some practice tolerating uncertainty. If you do it begrudgingly through gritted teeth, it is not as effective as doing it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Finding a happy medium between the two is where the real work happens. 
• Break routine when you need to. Don’t rigidly follow a plan that’s only to make things easier. 
• Recognize when you’re experiencing a pain point. Not everything is simple or easy, least of all when you’re managing OCD. Give yourself extra patience when situations are hard.

You Don’t Need More Willpower. You May Need More Support.

We often imagine successful people as people who possess extraordinary discipline.

Maybe sometimes they do.

But often, what looks like discipline from the outside is actually structure.

The person who always exercises may have built exercise into their calendar.

The person who always remembers birthdays may have reminders.

The business owner who seems to effortlessly manage a complicated organization may have spent years building systems that allow the organization to function without everything passing through them.

The parent who seems incredibly organized may simply have figured out which things can be automated, delegated, scheduled, or shared.

There is nothing shameful about needing structure.

There is nothing weak about building your life around the reality that you will sometimes be tired, distracted, discouraged, anxious, overwhelmed, grieving, or simply human.

In fact, there is something deeply compassionate about it.

We don’t build systems because we are machines.

We build systems because we aren’t.

If you’re feeling stuck on your healing journey, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our intake specialist will take the time to understand your needs and connect you with a therapist who is the right fit.

Schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.