Rebuild: When Life Goes In A Different Direction

We want to make a sandcastle, but we don’t want to see it washed away by the tide. As fun as it can be to build something that can withstand the indignity of time, the process can drive you mad. 

We don’t want to rebuild. We want to make something that will last. But time is a hammer that slams our best laid plans into smithereens. Erosion and entropy will gently guide all that we plan and build into a cycle of deconstruction and reconstruction.

Both of these things are true: We are not always capable of making something that lasts, and we are not fools for trying. This is what it means to be human. And that is why humans need therapy.

“The death of a dream can in fact serve as the vehicle that endows it with new form, with reinvigorated substance, a fresh flow of ideas.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

How Can We Cope When Life Turns Out Differently Than We Imagined?

We feel so smart when our expectations are met. Even if our expectations were bad, and we witnessed something truly bad happen, there is that slight relief that comes along with seeing it coming. Even if you aren’t happy with the result, you get to feel a little happy for yourself when you correctly predict the future.

On the other hand, when our expectations are dashed, it can break our hearts in unexpected ways. The feeling of surprise can be initially overwhelming, and the aftereffects can be demoralizing for an intrepid soul trying to rebuild. But there is a way to rebuild even after we are impacted by the seemingly cruel treatment of fate..

DEPRESSION TREATMENT FOR THE CRUEL TREATMENT OF FATE 

When we tangle with the prospect of rebuilding something broken, absolutely devastating personal depression is one of the first obstacles we must face. 

There is so much that is out of our control, and depressed victimhood is far more tempting than determined responsibility. Fate might be cruel sometimes, but it is far worse when we resign ourselves to being the victim of it all.

Here’s how to keep finding hope when fate destines you to rebuild:

• Pull tarot cards. There is a way to lovingly interpret the cruel machinations of fate, and it’s called a tarot deck. Tarot helps people warmly and playfully find comfort in a universe that often appears uncaring. 

“Our internal world can feel chaotic and confusing when life goes differently than we planned. Tarot can help you externalize your thoughts and feelings and view them through symbols and stories so you can explore them from a more distant and compassionate perspective. Doing this helps create more space for clarity and helps you create a lighter relationship with the unknown.” –Alli Cravener

• Practice resilience. Resilience means being able to get back up when we are knocked down. To fight the ever encroaching madness of depression, we have to be resilient. It is that simple and that complicated. This is how we prove to ourselves that we have survived.  Practicing resilience means refusing to become defeated by challenges. Instead, you pivot and learn from your challenges. You allow yourself to feel the difficult feelings and move forward in spite of them. 

• Accept the past. Acceptance is one of the most difficult psychological tasks a human being can perform. We replay old conversations. We imagine alternate timelines. We fantasize about what we should have said, what we should have noticed, and who we should have been. But we rarely replay these scenarios so we can forgive ourselves and feel true closure. Acceptance means that you are willing to handle the consequences, even if you don’t approve of everything that lead to them. 

ANXIETY TREATMENT FOR THE ENDLESS MARCH OF TIME

Anxiety loves uncertainty, and the process of rebuilding is an endless parade of uncertainties. 

Wow! So if we remove any uncertainties from our lives, then we won’t feel anxious at all anymore! Right?

 

… Right? 

• Uncertainty is a certainty. There is no escaping the unknown. It is as much a part of human life and human psychology as eating and breathing. It is a natural consequence of the fact that…

• We can’t control the world. We are a part of the world. We are witness to it, and participant in it, but in our witnessing and participating we are unfortunately limited. We control vanishingly little in this world, but…

• We can control ourselves and our reactions. Our thoughts, feelings and our anxieties are real, but they are also within our control. In a real way, one which we could never find for the world outside our mind, we have control over the world of the mind. And even in our darkest moments, we can pull ourselves out.

HOW TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS IN THE FACE OF CRUSHING REALITIES

If we searched our heart, and found once again the desire to build a sandcastle, how could we be brave enough to build when we knew it would be washed away? There is no escaping the chaotic world in which we are a part of, but there is joyous harmony in joining the dance, even though at times it can be painful. 

This is a list of ways to be mindful and present even when reality is trying to punt your dreams into the realm of impossibility: 

• Exercise to the point of sweating. The human nervous system was not designed exclusively for sitting still and catastrophizing. Exercise helps interrupt spirals of anxiety and depression by reconnecting us with the physical world.

• Find your favorite place outside. Human beings psychologically deteriorate in isolation. We need environments that remind us the world is larger than our current suffering.

• Observe without judgment. Mindfulness does not mean pretending everything is beautiful. It means observing reality without immediately trying to declare it good or bad.

How Does Therapy Help You Start Over After A Breakup? 

Breakups are not merely the loss of another person. They are often the loss of an imagined future.

When the sandcastle is washed away by the tide, we mourn more than just the castle itself. We mourn all that the castle represented and everything we hoped to build upon it. 

A breakup can dismantle routines, identities, living situations, friendships, future plans, and self-esteem all at once. Even when a relationship needed to end, grief still follows.

Therapy helps people process heartbreak without becoming consumed by it. Counseling can help individuals identify unhealthy patterns, regulate overwhelming emotions, rebuild confidence, and rediscover who they are outside of the relationship itself.

Most importantly, therapy gives people permission to heal at a human pace instead of pretending they are “over it” before they actually are.

How To Psychologically Soothe Yourself Through A Medical Issue

Medical problems can completely alter the trajectory of a person’s life. Chronic illness, disability, surgeries, injuries, and unexpected diagnoses often force people to grieve not only their physical pain, but also the version of themselves they thought they would remain forever. 

When our body changes unexpectedly, it can make us feel alien inside ourselves. Suddenly, life revolves around appointments, medications, recovery timelines, physical limitations, or symptoms that are difficult to explain to other people.

This can be exhausting in ways we could not anticipate when we were well. 

• Seek medical help. This might seem obvious to some of you, but I promise you that this piece of advice is harder to come by in some circles than others. Going to an expert can help you understand what’s going on and how to behave in the future. 

• Find remedies for your symptoms. Taking care of yourself goes beyond visiting the doctor and taking whatever pills they tell you. If you’re coughing, it behooves you to take cough drops. If your throat is sore, it behooves you to drink hot water with lemon.  There are real human remedies for any symptom you can imagine, and it’s worth finding them, even though it is more fun to complain.
• Rest. Adaptation is not surrender. If you are sick, and you feel tired, then resting could be the best thing there is for you. Your future may revolve around appointments, medications, limitations, or recovery timelines that you cannot fully control. But, if you are tired enough to fall asleep, then that is your sacred signal to put down what you’re carrying and get some shuteye.

If you’re feeling stuck on your healing journey, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our intake specialist will take the time to understand your needs and connect you with a therapist who is the right fit. 

Schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

Sunny Ebsary is an educator, multi-modal artist, and writer specializing in the intersection of myth and mental health. Sunny’s writing walks the line between poetic and logical, giving readers a chance to interface with the mind and imagination. Sunny’s been putting pen to paper since he was a child, writing everything from albums, novels, and plays, to essays, interactive games, and of course, many articles! While studying both psychology and writing, he realized his real passion in life was helping others unlock their creative spark. Whether he’s leading a D&D game, directing a production, or diving deep into the brain, you can be sure Sunny will be ushering you toward finding meaning in your life.